My View at Kensei-news

Torture numbers and they’ll confess to anything.
— Gregg Easterbrook

Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
— Aaron Levenstein

Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the
percentage people, you should be perfectly comfortable.
— Bobby Bragan

Statistics are human beings with the tears wiped off.
– Paul Brodeur

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
– Author unknown

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts – for support rather than illumination.
— Andrew Lang

Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say.
— William Watt

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. Fourteen percent of people know that.
—Homer J. Simpson

A statistical analysis, properly conducted, is a delicate dissection of uncertainties, a surgery of suppositions.
— M.J. Moroney

Statistics may be defined as “a body of methods for making wise decisions in the face of uncertainty.”
—W.A. Wallis

Ninety percent of the game is half mental.
— Yogi Berra

I abhor averages. I like the individual case. A man may have six meals one day and none the next,
making an average of three meals per day, but this is not a good way to live.
— Louis D. Brandeis

While the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty.
You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will be up to, but you can say with
precision what an average number will be up to. Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant.
— Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

The theory of probabilities is at bottom nothing but common sense reduced to calculus.
—Laplace

I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
— Homer J. Simpson

Statistics can be made to prove anything – even the truth
— Author Unknown

You give a 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give
what’s left.
—Yogi Berra

There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
— Rex Stout, Death of a Doxy

Thank you for the Las Vegas Planning & Development Department for passing those along!

- Mike

WARNING VULGAR TERMINOLOGY AHEAD

I was doing some research on old terms for Mother - and came across this listing in the Merriam-Webster online dictionary click here

After the usual definitions, etymology references etc… the 4th listing is - AND I QUOTE:

4 [short for motherfucker] sometimes vulgar: motherfucker

Sometimes vulgar? SOMETIMES?  Well, since I don’t know when it could be used and NOT be considered vulgar - I will write these masters of the definition and find out.

However, since the term MF was a hot link - I did follow it to the definition…and found out that that it is “Usually obscene” also and when used as an adjective (motherfucking) - is is also usually obscene!

I can’t wait to hear back from them about when it is NOT obscene!

- Mike

Smoking in the United States Causes 443,000 Deaths Annually and Costs $193 Billion
As Nation Observes Great American Smokeout

Fewer U.S. adults smoke, but cigarette smoking continues to impose substantial health and financial costs on society, according to new data from CDC.

An estimated 19.8 percent of U.S. adults (43.4 million people), were current smokers in 2007, down from 20.8 percent in 2006, according to a study in CDC?s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, released in advance of the Great American Smokeout. However, based on the current rate of decline, it is unlikely that the national health objective of reducing the prevalence of adult cigarette smoking to 12 percent or lower will be met by 2010.

Smoking causes at least 30 percent of all cancer deaths, including more than 80 percent of lung cancer deaths, and 80 percent of deaths from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Smoking is responsible for early cardiovascular disease and death. As a result, about half of all long-term smokers, particularly those who began smoking as teens, die prematurely, many in middle age.

“The good news, we continue to see fewer people smoking,” said Janet Collins, Ph.D., director of CDC?s National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion. “The bad news is we need more people to quit. Quitting smoking is the most important step smokers can take to improve their health and protect the health of nonsmoking family members. Smokers should be aware that there are treatments and services available to help them quit now more than ever before. Smokers can more than double their likelihood of successfully quitting by using medications and telephone counseling.”

Another MMWR study released this week by CDC assessed the U.S. health consequences and productivity losses attributable to smoking.

National estimates of annual smoking deaths indicate that, during 2000–2004, cigarette smoking and exposure to secondhand smoke resulted in approximately 443,000 annual premature deaths, consistent with previous estimates.

In addition, during 2001–2004, average annual smoking-attributable health care expenditures were approximately $96 billion, compared to $75 billion in 1998. Accounting for direct health care expenditures and productivity losses ($97 billion), the total economic burden of smoking is approximately $193 billion per year.

November 20, 2008, marks the American Cancer Society?s 32nd Great American Smokeout. The event encourages smokers to quit for at least one day in the hope that this might help them to stop using tobacco permanently. The Smokeout also draws attention to the many proven ways to encourage people to stop smoking. These include making it more affordable for people to use medical treatments, establishing smoke-free environments in homes, workplaces and restaurants, increasing the price of cigarettes, and mass media campaigns to inform and help motivate tobacco users to quit.

“If we want to see far more people quit smoking, we need expanded access to stop smoking programs, continued progress in eliminating secondhand smoke exposure and ongoing investment in programs that work,” said Matthew McKenna, M.D., M.P.H., director, CDC?s Office on Smoking and Health. “If, starting in 2009, all states were to fully implement tobacco control programs at CDC-recommended levels of investment, an estimated five million fewer people in this country would smoke within five years, and hundreds of thousands of premature tobacco-related deaths would be prevented each year.”

Tobacco users who want help in quitting can call 1-800-QUIT-NOW (1-800-784-8669) (TTY 1-800-332-8615) for free telephone-based counseling anywhere in the United States or visit http://1800quitnow.cancer.gov for quitting assistance. Information about the Great American Smokeout is available at http://www.cancer.org/docroot/ped/ped_10_4.asp.

Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it. Joe drives to Obama’s house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood and where it’s clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year.

Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it’s an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.

Obama asks Joe how much it will cost.

Joe immediately says, “$9,500.”

“$9,500?” Obama asks, stunned. “But you said it’s an easy repair!”

“Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year
so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free,” explains Joe. “It’s always been my philosophy.

As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year,
so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It’s known as ‘Joe’s Fair Plumbing Act of 2008.’
Surprised you haven’t heard of it, senator.”

In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there’s no way he’s paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves.

Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business.  Not wanting to pay Joe’s price, Obama does nothing.

The leak under Obama’s sink goes unrepaired for the next several days.  A week later the leak is so bad that  Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and  there’s a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return.

Joe goes back to Obama’s house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says “Let’s see this will cost you about $21,000.”

“A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!” Obama quickly fires back.

Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. “Well, because of the ‘Joe’s Fair Plumbing Act,’ a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing
I’m doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day.

“Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work from the  group ofpeople who get it for free has skyrocketed, and there’s a long waiting list of  those who need repairs. This has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of  business, and they’re not being replaced nobody is going into the plumbingbusiness because they know they won’t make any money.

I’m hurting now too all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won’t pay their fair share.”

Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: “Of course you’re hurting, Joe!, Don’t you get it? If all the rich people learn how to fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people for your services, you’ll be broke, and then what will you do?”

Joe immediately replies, “Run for president, apparently.”

Well, not really - but they are perplexing…

(1) If you have sex with a prostitute against here will - is it considered rape or shoplifting?

(2) Just how important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

(3) Has Uncle Sam figured out a way to tax your thoughts?  Think about it - you usually put your “two cents in” - but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts!”

(4) What was a cured ham cured of?

(5) What is that forces people to pay good money to go to the top of the Empire State building - only to put more money in those dumb binocular things to look at the things on the ground?

(6) WHY is bra - a singular word, when panties and pants are plural?

(7 )In the same light - why is it that you have a “pair of socks?” and a “pair of pants?” - Doesn’t that REALLY mean you have 4 socks and two pants? I’ve never heard a women buy A pantyhose - but they do buy a PAIR of pantyhose…

(8) Why don’t they sell replacement socks?  or is that a replacement sock?  We always lose one - so wouldn’t it be cool to be able to buy just it’s mate?

Someone sent this to me - and like most internet stories, I have NO IDEA if it is true or not!  However, this does sound like something one of my redneck buddies would do - or - even one of those more intellectual types who really do not believe the directions…

Enjoy!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5′ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dipshit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and

. . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . … WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 pounds. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

OK folks - I must admit - I’m a bit lost on this one.  It appears that the Prime Minister of Italy - Silvio Berluconi - who admittedly is not the sharpest spoon in the shed - is being raked over the coals in Italy for what is being considered a racist remark.

Well - let me quote one of the local supporters <sic> of Mr. Berlusconi…

… just when Mr. Obama’s victory was “inspiring billions of people” to consider “democracy, the most extraordinary triumph of humanity after centuries of bloodshed and intolerance,” Mr. Berlusconi instead contributed “a miserable, vulgar and racist remark, for which he didn’t even have the courage to take responsibility or the dignity to apologize.”

WOW - by reading that comment - one would think that  PM must of used the “N” word or the Italian equivalent anyway!  So what did he ACTUALLY SAY?  Well - according the New York Times…

Mr. Berlusconi made the remark while meeting President Dmitri A. Medvedev of Russia, saying that Senator Barack Obama is handsome, young and also suntanned - were “all the qualities” for Mr. Medvedev and the future president to “develop a good working relationship.”

Other news reports stated…Mr. Berlusconi’s remark “wasn’t racist; it was infantile and untimely,” he added. “He has such a high opinion of himself that he thinks it’s acceptable to say anything to anyone.”

In MY VIEW - I really don’t find it interesting that the Italian papers are crucifying their PM over this remark - from what I understand - they don’t like him any more than our liberal newspapers like President Bush  - BUT I find it remarkable that the New York Times would use up valuable paper to print the story!

Come on folks - there are some that accuse anyone who didn’t vote for Obama a racist…many accused Biden of being a racist because he called Obama - “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”  and now the New York Times - the bastion of liberalism here in the states wastes ink and paper to accuse the Italian PM of being a racist over THAT REMARK?

YET at the same time - they tout his victory - as the “First African American” - as the “First Black Man” - as the “First Man of Color” - which of course he is ALL of those - however, did people vote for him BECAUSE he was an African American? Or Black? OR a Man of Color? OR did they vote for him because of his thoughts, ideas, hopes and dreams for his country? Did they vote for him because it was a black man that said…XYZ or did they vote for him because he said XYZ?

The main stream media screams that a black man has finally won the presidency of the United States - and screams racism if anyone dare call him a black man?

Give me a break folks - your stretching the meaning of what being a racist is - WAY beyonds it’s true and unequivocal definition, into the realm of code words, beyond the double-entendre to triple and quadruple entendre  six times removed, and into the world where free speech is stifled for fear of being accused of something you are not, never were and never could be.

UPDATE 11.08.08: According Reuters - when asked if he realized that his remarks were “offensive to the United States” and “Why don’t you apologize?”  The PM stated…”Give me a break! You have just put yourself on that list of people (imbeciles) I mentioned yesterday!”  In MY VIEW - I like this guy!

Thank about it folks - and New York Times - get over yourself will ya!

Of course, these are only thoughts - but they are mine

- Mike

What is the difference between voting FOR some one because of his/her color and NOT for that person because of his/her color?

In MY VIEW - aren’t both just as stupid?

Of course, these are just thoughts - but they are mine

- Mike